Pentium jokes From:israel@extol.sj.unisys.com Top Ten Intel Excuses 10. You mean 2.00000000 + 2.000000000 doesn't equal 3.999998456? 9. We felt sorry for all those competitors of ours who can't seem to sell anywhere near as many processors as we do. 8. Emulate THIS, Power PC! 7. Hey, look! We've got a built-in random number generator! (Quick, jack-up the price...) 6. The FDIV bug? That's nothing! Wait'll you see what happens when you try to run Windows 95! 5. We were trying to outfox AMD by tricking them into making a processor that works, thus rendering them incompatible! 4. Hey, buddy, we'd like to see YOU hook up 3.3 million transistors right the first time! 3. Actually, the whole thing's a documentation error. The manual mixed up the opcodes of FDIV with another instruction, FATRA - Floating Point Almost The Right Answer. 2. That's the way it's supposed to work. It's part of our new fuzzy logic support. 1. We don't care. We don't have to. We're INTEL! From: dkw@cs.brandeis.edu (David Wittenberg) Did you hear about the successor to RU-486? [RU-486 is a drug used for, among other things, causing abortions] It's called RU-Pentium. It prevents the embryo's cells from dividing correctly. kjn@netcom.com (Ken Navarre) Intel Question and anwer session: Perhaps you have hear of the division problems encountered on the Intel Pentium. Well, here is the official Questions and Answer list. I'm sure this was supplied by Intel or some other equally unqualified source. Q> How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A> 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people. Q> What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A> A mad scientist. Q> What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A> Warning label. Q> What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A> Successive approximations. Q> Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to Divide Round Random On a Pentium, all of the above! A> Number 4. Q> What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider? A> "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel) Q> Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A> Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605. Q> According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754 and 854 for floating point arithmetic. If you fly in aircraft designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"? A> Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee! kjn@netcom.com (Ken Navarre) Top Ten new Intel slogans for the Pentium 9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug 8.9999163362 It's Close Enough, We Say So 7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes (you mean, 299.9999831538?) 6.9999831538 You Don't Need to Know What's Inside 5.9999835137 Redefining the PC--and Mathematics As Well 4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really 3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful 2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point? 1.9999103517 We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws 0.9999999998 The Errata Inside