Submitted-by: Jawaid Bazyar (bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu) Posting-number: Volume 1, Source:46 Archive-name: games/gs/shell/orca/now Architecture: ONLY_2gs Version-number: 1.2 Ad-lib generator. Requires Orca shell. Enjoy. ################################### =now.doc - -=========== - NOW -=========== - -Version 1.2 - -There are no parameters for now. Note that now's output might be -considered offensive by some. You've been warned. People who don't -read doc files first (or look at movie ratings or read reviews etc...) -don't deserve to be protected from 'obscenity'. - -In any case, now uses VERY random numbers (the x and y positions of the -electron gun in the monitor) to generate some (usually) funny statements. -Give it a try... - ------ - -Jawaid Bazyar -Derek Taubert - -Copyright 1990 by Procyon Software -Freeware - distribute but don't sell! - -This utility is FreeWare. Distribute them as much as you like, just -don't sell them or distribute modified versions. Send me your comments - -I'm eager to hear from you for suggestions and improvements. - -Also, if you make any modifications to the code please do not redistribute -them. Instead, send me the changed source along with an explanation and -I will consider including your change in the next version. - - Jawaid Bazyar - 1120 Maple Street - Mt. Vernon, IL 62864 - - Internet/ARPAnet bazyar@cs.uiuc.edu - GEnie J.BAZYAR - =now.c -#include -#include -#include -#include - -static char *faster[] = { - "\"Let the games begin!\"", "\"Sweet Jesus!\"", - "\"Not that!\"", "\"At last!\"", - "\"Land o' Goshen!\"", "\"Is that all?\"", - "\"Cheese it, the cops!\"", "\"I never dreamed it could be\"", - "\"If I do, you won't respect me!\"", "\"Now!\"", - "\"Open sesame!\"", "\"EMR!\"", - "\"Again!\"", "\"Faster!\"", - "\"Harder!\"", "\"Help!\"", - "\"Fuck me harder!\"", "\"Is it in yet?\"", - "\"You aren't my father!\"", "\"Doctor, that's not *my* shou\"", - "\"No, no, do the goldfish!\"", "\"Holy Batmobile, Batman!\"", - "\"He's dead, he's dead!\"", "\"Take me, Robert!\"", - "\"I'm a Republican!\"", "\"Put four fingers in!\"", - "\"What a lover!\"", "\"Talk dirty, you pig!\"", - "\"The ceiling needs painting,\"", "\"Suck harder!\"", - "\"The animals will hear!\"", "\"Not in public!\"", -}; - -static char *said[] = { - "bellowed", "yelped", "croaked", - "growled", "panted", "moaned", - "grunted", "laughed", "warbled", - "sighed", "ejaculated", "choked", - "stammered", "wheezed", "squealed", - "whimpered", "salivated", "tongued", - "cried", "screamed", "yelled", - "said", -}; - -static char *the[] = { - "the", -}; - -static char *fadj[] = { - "saucy", "wanton", "unfortunate", - "lust-crazed", "nine-year-old", "bull-dyke", - "bisexual", "gorgeous", "sweet", - "nymphomaniacal", "large-hipped", "freckled", - "forty-five year old", "white-haired", "large-boned", - "saintly", "blind", "bearded", - "blue-eyed", "large tongued", "friendly", - "piano playing", "ear licking", "doe eyed", - "sock sniffing", "lesbian", "hairy", -}; - - -static char *female[] = { - "baggage", "hussy", "woman", - "Duchess", "female impersonator", "nymphomaniac", - "virgin", "leather freak", "home-coming queen", - "defrocked nun", "bisexual budgie", "cheerleader", - "office secretary", "sexual deviate", "DARPA contract monitor", - "little matchgirl", "ceremonial penguin", "femme fatale", - "bosses' daughter", "construction worker", "sausage abuser", - "secretary", "Congressman's page", "grandmother", - "penguin", "German shepherd", "stewardess", - "waitress", "prostitute", "computer science group", - "housewife", -}; - -static char *asthe[] = { - "as the", -}; - -static char *madjec[] = { - "thrashing", "slurping", "insatiable", - "rabid", "satanic", "corpulent", - "nose-grooming", "tripe-fondling", "dribbling", - "spread-eagled", "orally fixated", "vile", - "awesomely endowed", "handsome", "mush-brained", - "tremendously hung", "three-legged", "pile-driving", - "cross-dressing", "gerbil buggering", "bung-hole stuffing", - "sphincter licking", "hair-pie chewing", "muff-diving", - "clam shucking", "egg-sucking", "bicycle seat sniffing", -}; - -static char *male[] = { - "rakehell", "hunchback", "lecherous lickspittle", - "archduke", "midget", "hired hand", - "great Dane", "stallion", "donkey", - "electric eel", "paraplegic pothead", "dirty old man", - "faggot butler", "friar", "black-power advocate", - "follicle fetishist", "handsome priest", "chicken flicker", - "homosexual flamingo", "ex-celibate", "drug sucker", - "ex-woman", "construction worker", "hair dresser", - "dentist", "judge", "social worker", -}; - -static char *diddled[] = { - "diddled", "devoured", "fondled", - "mouthed", "tongued", "lashed", - "tweaked", "violated", "defiled", - "irrigated", "penetrated", "ravished", - "hammered", "bit", "tongue slashed", - "sucked", "fucked", "rubbed", - "grudge fucked", "masturbated with", "slurped", -}; - -char *her[] = { - "her", -}; - -static char *titadj[] = { - "alabaster", "pink-tipped", "creamy", - "rosebud", "moist", "throbbing", - "juicy", "heaving", "straining", - "mammoth", "succulent", "quivering", - "rosey", "globular", "varicose", - "jiggling", "bloody", "tilted", - "dribbling", "oozing", "firm", - "pendulous", "muscular", "bovine", -}; - -static char *knockers[] = { - "globes", "melons", "mounds", - "buds", "paps", "chubbies", - "protuberances", "treasures", "buns", - "bung", "vestibule", "armpits", - "tits", "knockers", "elbows", - "eyes", "hooters", "jugs", - "lungs", "headlights", "disk drives", - "bumpers", "knees", "fried eggs", - "buttocks", "charlies", "ear lobes", - "bazooms", "mammaries", -}; - -char *and[] = { - "and", -}; - -static char *thrust[] = { - "plunged", "thrust", "squeezed", - "pounded", "drove", "eased", - "slid", "hammered", "squished", - "crammed", "slammed", "reamed", - "rammed", "dipped", "inserted", - "plugged", "augured", "pushed", - "ripped", "forced", "wrenched", -}; - -static char *his[] = { - "his", -}; - -static char *dongadj[] = { - "bursting", "jutting", "glistening", - "Brobdingnagian", "prodigious", "purple", - "searing", "swollen", "rigid", - "rampaging", "warty", "steaming", - "gorged", "trunklike", "foaming", - "spouting", "swinish", "prosthetic", - "blue veined", "engorged", "horse like", - "throbbing", "humongous", "hole splitting", - "serpentine", "curved", "steel encased", - "glass encrusted", "knobby", "surgically altered", - "metal tipped", "open sored", "rapidly dwindling", - "swelling", "miniscule", "boney", -}; - -static char *dong[] = { - "intruder", "prong", "stump", - "member", "meat loaf", "majesty", - "bowsprit", "earthmover", "jackhammer", - "ramrod", "cod", "jabber", - "gusher", "poker", "engine", - "brownie", "joy stick", "plunger", - "piston", "tool", "manhood", - "lollipop", "kidney prodder", "candlestick", - "John Thomas", "arm", "testicles", - "balls", "finger", "foot", - "tongue", "dick", "one-eyed wonder worm", - "canyon yodeler", "middle leg", "neck wrapper", - "stick shift", "dong", "Linda Lovelace choker", -}; - -static char *intoher[] = { - "into her", -}; - -static char *twatadj[] = { - "pulsing", "hungry", "hymeneal", - "palpitating", "gaping", "slavering", - "welcoming", "glutted", "gobbling", - "cobwebby", "ravenous", "slurping", - "glistening", "dripping", "scabiferous", - "porous", "soft-spoken", "pink", - "dusty", "tight", "odiferous", - "moist", "loose", "scarred", - "weapon-less", "banana stuffed", "tire tracked", - "mouse nibbled", "tightly tensed", "oft traveled", - "grateful", "festering", -}; - -static char *twat[] = { - "swamp.", "honeypot.", "jam jar.", - "butterbox.", "furburger.", "cherry pie.", - "cush.", "slot.", "slit.", - "cockpit.", "damp.", "furrow.", - "sanctum sanctorum.", "bearded clam.", "continental divide.", - "paradise valley.", "red river valley.", "slot machine.", - "quim.", "palace.", "ass.", - "rose bud.", "throat.", "eye socket.", - "tenderness.", "inner ear.", "orifice.", - "appendix scar.", "wound.", "navel.", - "mouth.", "nose.", "cunt.", -}; - -struct table { - char **item; - short len; -}; - -typedef struct table TABLE; -#define SZ(a) sizeof(a) / sizeof(char *) - -TABLE list[] = { - faster, SZ(faster), said, SZ(said), - the, SZ(the), fadj, SZ(fadj), - female, SZ(female), asthe, SZ(asthe), - madjec, SZ(madjec), male, SZ(male), - diddled, SZ(diddled), her, SZ(her), - titadj, SZ(titadj), knockers, SZ(knockers), - and, SZ(and), thrust, SZ(thrust), - his, SZ(his), dongadj, SZ(dongadj), - dong, SZ(dong), intoher, SZ(intoher), - twatadj, SZ(twatadj), twat, SZ(twat), - (char **)NULL, (short)NULL, -}; - -#define LLINE 50 -static short lwidth; - -main() -{ - register TABLE *ttp; - register char *cp; - int getpid; - time_t now; - - getpid = *((int *) 0xE0C02E); /* read the horz and vert scan locs */ - now = time(&now) / rand(); - srand(getpid + (int)((now >> 16) + now + time(&now))); - - for (ttp = list;ttp->item;++ttp,++lwidth) { - for (cp = ttp->len > 1 ? ttp->item[rand() % ttp->len] : *ttp->item;*cp;++cp,++lwidth) - if (isspace(*cp)) outsp(); - else putchar(*cp); - outsp(); - } - if (lwidth) putchar('\n'); -} - -static -outsp() -{ - if (lwidth > LLINE) { - putchar('\n'); - lwidth = -1; - } - else putchar(' '); -} - - + END OF ARCHIVE